Monday, October 6, 2008

My little girl is a little girl no more!!

It happened a day before Eid, the news I had been dreading for the past 2 years!! Her shout echoed from the bathroom, making my blood run cold. In my dreams I had seen all this happening but, in my dreams I'm an emotional wreck, crying uncontrollably because this was a sign that I would have to let my baby go!

So, I get to the bathroom and Aqeedah says, "Mommy, what's this??" It's finally happened, my little girl has now become a young lady. I'm amazed at how calm I am, in essence it was probably more of an out-of-body experience!! hehehe!! I leave the bathroom and allow her to attend to herself. My brain's actually racing with what I'm supposed to say, I've rehearsed my speech so many times but words fail to come. It's time for me to give her 'the birds and the bees speech', not that we haven't spoken about this before.

Aqeedah & I have a very open way of communicating with each other. If I think about the relationship my mom & I had while growing up, it's completely the opposite. As a teenager, I was very naive with regards to topics about boys and sex in general. Most of my information I gleaned from friends (dangerous info) or at madrassa (the correct info). Approaching my mum for information was a definite no-no!! LOL!!

Even before I married she still couldn't manage to sit me down and tell me what was going to happen the first time having sex. I remember asking an older cousin who was married already. My cousin only managed to scare the hell out of me with her story about not being able to walk properly for a week after the first time!! I had nightmares for weeks before my wedding!! LOL!!

Sometimes I think my mom didn't know how to go about talking to her children about 'the birds & the bees'!! I don't blame her really, she was even more naive than I was!! When my mom was pregnant with me, she thought the baby would come out of her mouth!!! Sheesh, imagine that!! Yet today, when she speaks to my sister & I about sex, we end up giggling like teenagers!! But that still doesn't stop me from blushing as red as a tomato!! So, I think she's realised that she needs to open up, after all, we're grown up now & have children of our own.

After giving Aqeedah the low down on what was supposed to happen and what she wasn't supposed to do, blah, blah, blah; I suddenly had the desire to want to lock her up in her room till she was about 25yrs old!! I told her this and she just laughed at me saying solemnly, "I'll be okay mummy." I'm very hard on myself with regards to setting an example for her as a woman. I certainly do not want my actions to come back & haunt me, so I try as hard as I can to practice what I preach. And from my experience of a failed marriage, she's witnessed firsthand that from the most horrendous pain and anguish can come a beautiful beginning of growth & evolution!!

Ask any mother and she'll tell you that all she wants to do is protect her children from the grim outside world. She'll risk life and limb!! The day after Eid I saw a headline "Teenager raped on Eid day", I closed my eyes wanting to actually scream but made dua that Allah would please, please protect my babies!! From my point of view if anything should happen to my children, it would certainly send me over the edge into an abyss of despair!!

Let me just shake these thoughts from my mind!! For now, my message to Aqeedah would be:

I love you to the depths of my soul and know that whatever I do is for the benefit of you and your siblings. I am not perfect and there was no handbook given to me when Allah gave you as my Amaanah, therefore I learn by trial & error. I look at you and see a beautiful young lady who has the ability to achieve all her dreams and so much more. Be all that you can be and know that I support you all the way!!

Love, MUM!!

1 comment:

Shaheema said...

Wow couz! What a beautiful, beautiful post! You left me with goosebumps... and your note to Aqeedah is so beautiful! May Allah Always protect you and your family Insha-Allah! Fee-Amaanilah!

I love you,