Wednesday, November 19, 2008

It's strange how children tend to air their fears.

Last night while cleaning up my kitchen, Uthmaan confessed that he was very frustrated. A 11 year old, frustrated??

I stopped what I was doing & gave him my full attention. What he told me completely blew me away to say the least!!

The following is the conversation that ensued:

Uthmaan: Mom, I need to tell you something. But you have to take this very seriously, ok.

Me (totally taken aback): I take everything you say seriously, my dear!!

Uthmaan (wearing a very somber expression): Ok, I need a brother in this house!! Being the only boy is driving me crazy!!

Me (stifling a grin): I completely understand my boy!! I'd feel the same way if I were in your shoes. But you do realise what it means for this to happen??

Uthmaan: Yes mum, it means you need to get married. I want you to but I need to feel comfortable with that person first.

Me(comforting him): There's no way I would even consider marrying someone if my children weren't happy with him.

Uthmaan(sighing): I know that mum, you say that all the time. But it's time for you to settle down now, you've been on your own too long.

Me(thinking how quickly he's grown up): I need to find someone suitable first, not so?? In this day & age it's kinda difficult. So just be patient & make dua for me, ok.

Uthmaan: Yes, I don't want someone who's going to hurt you or someone who won't accept us. You're always in my duas mum & remember that I love you!!

Me: I love you too sweets!!

When I had put my children to bed, I realised that Uthmaan's fears were brought on by the episode of Sewende Laan he had watched earlier. Errol's mom has a boyfriend who physically abuses her, she has such a low self esteem that she doesn't realise what it's doing to herself & her son.

He's also picked up on my aloof mood of late. I've always been one to not let anything dampen my spirits. But lately it's been difficult because of various things taking place. There's my loneliness for one (it's quite overwhelming at times), Raihaana's trip to the doctor again & the one year anniversary of my gran who passed away from lung cancer.

Uthmaan's conversation made me realise that I need to be more weary of how I go about dealing with my feelings. Yes, I'm only human but the conversation was certainly a wake up call!!

So, this is how my children keep me grounded!! And like I said yesterday when I commented on Nazrah's note, my children are certainly the light at the end of the tunnel!!


multi tasking said...

i just read your blog and felt to leave a comment...your boy is only wants what is best for u Insha-ALlah...he is growing up and starting to notice what you are going thru..sweet of him...Insha-Allah Ameen your ambitions in life will come sooner as you expected..loneliness is not an event..its a healing process..reach out to people who cares for you like family and friends..and accept the situation you in.. and try to make the negatives into go girl..cheers


Shahieda said...

Thank you so much for your encouragement, it is very much appreciated.

I get what you're saying but sometimes when I feel like this I just want to be on my own.

I'm getting there though, with the Koedrat of Allah everything is possible!!

Shaheema said...

hey couz...

i can't believe how fast Uthmaan is growing up. Masha-Allah... Remember: I'm always here for you if you need someone close!